Liveblogging American Idol

I decided to liveblog American Idol again, since this is the first day with all of the top 12 performing. As previously stated, this is mostly what I am thinking as I watch the show. If you were sitting in my family room, this is what I would be saying to you as I was watching it, and I’m sure in response you’d be telling me to shut up.

I’m pretty sure that most of you will never visit my house to watch Idol with me after you read this, LOL.

Tonight is the first night with the “new look”. The robotic singer figure is gone from the beginning, and the logo looks different. Also, there is a new set, but it looks about the same as the old set to me. Whoops, I take that back. Their new lights are pretty doggone cool, and the band is set up above the stage.

The judges look the same, though, and they still have those big red Coca-Cola cups in front of them. Does anybody want to bet there’s actually liquor in those cups?

Vampira is in the first line of the top 12 as they walk out onto the stage. She really needs to do something with her weird hairdo. It scares me.

Tonight they’re doing Lennon/McCartney. That’s good, because at least this time when someone does really badly, I can say that someone is rolling over in their grave. That makes my job easier.

They’re showing a picture of John Lennon. That makes me sad. I still remember the day he was murdered. I was shocked beyond belief, I couldn’t believe anyone would murder him. Why? I still wonder why. We will never know.

Paula has way too much of something in her hair. Too much gel, or too much mouse? Something, it looks strange, almost like it’s not clean even though I’m sure it is.

I like the shirt Simon is wearing, though that bright white would be hard to keep clean.

Finally, they’re starting ….

Syesha Mercado: She says she’s a working actress. Her mom’s a singer too. They showed an old photo as well as a current photo, and her mom hasn’t aged well. She was a real beauty when she was young. That’s sad, it may be due to a health concern. Syesha is singing “Got To Get You Into My Life”. John Lennon is rolling over in his grave already. That didn’t take long, did it? I would say it sounds like something you’d hear in a dentist office, but that’s wrong. It’s actually recreating the sensation of having a root canal, so you can see why I’d be confused. Randy called it the “Earth Wind and Fire” arrangement. Randy must not like Earth Wind and Fire very much, to make that comparison. Overall he says it’s alright. Paula sucks up to her as always, but said in the beginning she was “confused” but it sounded great from mid-way to the end. Simon thought it was “great”. He must be mixing happy pills with what’s in that Coca-Cola cup, or maybe somebody hit him upside the head for being … well, for being Simon …. and caused traumatic hearing loss, because he didn’t hear what the rest of us heard.

Chickezie: He used to work security at LAX, and says that Paula is “very good” at the airport. He was ready to go home last week, he figured a lot of people liked Danny. He looked exactly the same when he was a kid. “I love you mom, but c’mon”. That’s not a very nice thing to say to your mom. What the heck? He’s doing a bluegrass version of “She’s A Woman”, very weird. It’s unusual, though, but not in a bad way. He’s moved past the bluegrass now. The man’s got energy, I’ll give him that much. It’s actually not bad, and it’s very entertaining I have to admit. Randy says “Chickezie smashed it!” I guess that’s a compliment. Paula says the big risk is worth the reward, which paid off. Simon is really surprised, but he really liked it. Maybe he used a Q-Tip during the break, since now he’s hearing what we’re hearing. Simon thought it was “terrific”. I agree, that was way too cool. I liked the song, I liked the arrangement, and I liked the performance. I hate it when I have to say something nice about American Idol contestants, but in this case, I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t like it.

Ramiele Malubay: She works at a sushi joint. She and her sister sometimes perform together for fun, her sister plays guitar and drums. She’s from the Phillipines, and her mom and dad used to sing together in the car. She’s singing “In My Life”. If she screws this up, I’ll be furious, because it’s my favorite Lennon/McCartney song. The audience is doing The Wave. How cheezy. She has a very pretty voice, and she’s a very pretty girl. I’m not sure if I like the arrangement, though. I’m not sure if she’s got the emotion of this song down, either. It’s not terrible, but it’s not great. It’s probably what you’d see on a cruise ship. She chose a very safe song, and she didn’t do anything with it that would make it stand out. She didn’t murder it, though, which is good. Randy said it “didn’t move any earth” for him. Paula thinks she could have done better with it. Simon was “bored to tears thoughout the entire song”, and that it was “forgettable, boring”.

Jason Castro: He goes to Texas A&M, where he failed music class. His family is from Colombia, which actually surprises me. He is singing “If I Fell”. He’s playing guitar again. I remember this song from when I was a little kid. I kind of like his version. It’s a very, very safe song, though. He’s very good at projecting emotion in songs, I have noticed. Overall, it was nice, but kind of boring. Randy liked it, but didn’t love it. Paula disagrees with Randy, she says she feels his heart, which I think is a pretty good description. Simon thought it was “student in the bedroom at midnight”, the song was “boring”. He thinks Jason’s unique, and he’s a “big big fan”, but he challenges him to choose better songs. He didn’t get as much airtime, as you can tell from the length of my comments. He should get a better hairstyle, though. Dreads are just nasty even though they look okay on him. On the other hand, when they say “Jason Castro”, I know exactly who he is unlike with some of the other contestants. I like that they’ve got a hippy kid on the show, they needed that because there’s actually quite a large audience for people like him.

Carly Smithson: Her new roommate is Amanda Overmyer. Carly lives in San Diego but she misses Ireland. She works seven days a week, she bartends and waitresses. Once a week she sings “Come Together” acoustic style. That’s what she’s singing tonight. Her tattoos on her arm are quite disconcerting to me. She can sing, but if someone invested $2 million for me to have a singing career, I’d be good too. I don’t know what to think about this version. It’s kind of overdone, I think. Randy said she was strong and confident, stellar performance. Paula said she felt like she was already watching a star (she needs to come up with a new line, because she says that a lot). Simon think it’s the first time she’s chosen the right song. Simon said it reminds him of Kelly Clarkson. Huh? I don’t think so. He must have been referring to breaking through as an artist or something, because she ain’t Kelly Clarkson. I still think she’s a plant, and I don’t want her to win for that reason even though she can sing.

David Cook: He’s going to play “Eleanor Rigby”, and he’s not going to be playing guitar. I have a question, though. What is up with his hair? It always looks dirty. Yuck. Is he going prematurely bald and trying to cover it up, or is he just overdoing it with the hair products? This guy bores me, he’s very forgettable as far as I’m concerned. He’s wearing a jacket with the collar flipped up. Hm. This is really pretty lame, he should have played guitar on this one. There’s just something inherently boring with this guy, no matter what he sings. I’m not sure why. He ended the song well, though. He got a lot of applause and a standing ovation. Randy says it was pitchy at first but then it was “rockin” once he hit the chorus. Paula says he’s the “dark horse” and a “thoroughbred”, she likes him as a front man. Paula and Randy have some kind of dirty joke going on, I think, regarding stallions and donkeys. Simon said it was “brilliant”. I don’t know about that, but it wasn’t bad. He would be much better as a front man in a band, because alone he just isn’t exciting enough.

Brooke White: She’s from a suburb outside Phoenix. She used to be a nanny for twin girls. She was excited to be singing Lennon/McCartney, she was influenced by them. She’s singing “Let It Be”, which fits her persona. She’s playing piano. Cool. She looks very pretty tonight, is wearing more makeup than usual. She seems to be putting a bit of a country taste to the song with her voice. The song is very safe, though. She’s starting to belt it out now, and her piano playing is flawless. I like this girl, because she can emote very well. I don’t know if the song was adventurous enough, though it was very pretty. I think she just picked the song because she likes it. Randy said she gave a heartfelt performance, and that he’s a fan. Paula said this is her niche. Brooke is crying, very emotional. Simon said it was one of the best performances of the night, and a brilliant choice of song. She’s kind of the hippy chick for the show, which is cool. As I said, there’s a sizeable audience for hippy types. She says she is crying because she is overwhelmed by all this. She is barefoot, she says she can’t play piano with her shoes on. I like her, she’s just a very nice, seemingly very genuine person.

David Hernandez: He mentions working at a pizza bistro and going to school. He conveniently forgets to mention that he really worked as a fully-nude male stripper, giving lap dances to other men. Gross. Oh well, maybe “pizza bistro” is code for “swinging my dingy for money”, LOL. He’s singing “I Saw Her Standing There”. It’s pretty hokey, exactly what I’d expect from a fully-nude male stripper, LOL. This performance is horrible, completely overdone, desperate for attention. Embarrassingly bad, really. Randy agreed with me, and said it was overdone. Paula agreed. Simon said “no, no, no” and said it was “corny, verging on desperate” and that it was “all a little rabbit in the headlights”, LOL. This may very well be David’s last performance on American Idol. I really don’t think he would be missed.

Amanda Overmyer: She’s wearing lots of necklaces, and she still has that horrid hair. At least it looks fuller today, it’s usually pretty flat. She must have used some mouse. I wonder what her real hair color is? She’d look much better if she lost the Vampira look. She’s from a small town in Indiana. She’s a nurse, she rides a Harley. She’s singing “You Can’t Do That”, of course doing her Janis Joplin impression again. It’s actually not a bad song choice for her. She’s not trying to dance this week, which is an improvement because the girl can’t dance at all. Overall, not bad. It’s probably her best performance so far, I think. Randy said “yo, check it out”. He said she took a Beatles song and rocked it out in a southern bar, “very cool”. Paula says the “you are a star up there” crap again. Simon didn’t think it was as good as last week, and he only understood about 30% of the words. Simon and Paula got into an argument about respect, because Paula kept interrupting Simon. Yawn.

There’s a commercial on about new shampoo which locks moisture in, and blocks style-harming weather out. I might have to buy some of that, to try it since my hair frizzes when it’s rainy. Darn it, I didn’t get the name of it, but it’s part of the Frizz-ease collection by John Frieda.

Michael Johns: He’s from Australia, has been in Los Angeles for four years. He coaches tennis to make money. He discovered Lennon/McCartney when he was ten. He is performing “Across The Universe”, a lot of people call it “Nothing’s Gonna Change My World”, though that’s not the real title. Elf plays that song, he loves it. We’ll see what this guy does with it, he usually does pretty well. He has a nice tone to this voice. It was a nice performance, not great, not bad, he didn’t make any of it big, which he could have done. I think he’s safe, because his voice has a very nice male tone to it. Randy thought it was good but was waiting for something big. Paula says it takes confidence to do nothing but sing. Simon agrees with Randy, he should have done something brilliant with it, it was a little bit monotonous. Simon is frustrated that he hasn’t heard what he knows Michael can do. Wow, he’s tall. Oh wait, I forgot again that Ryan is a munchkin. I take that back. He looks like he could kick Ryan’s butt, LOL

Kristy Lee Cook: She’s from a small town in Oregon. She says being in the Top 12 is a “newsflash”. Her family is very musical. She’s changing “Eight Days a Week” into a country song. This was probably the first Beatles song I ever heard. She’s singing, and I’m speechless. This song is not at all conducive to being a country song. This seems very hokey to me. She has a nice voice, and it’s interesting, but this is just not a good arrangement. It’s horrible, in fact, and I’m horrified that someone destroyed this song like that. Maybe I’m biased, because I remember this song from when I was a little kid, but I don’t think so. I think it’s just plain bad. Randy said she was forcing runs into it, he says half of him liked it, half of him didn’t like it. Paula didn’t like it, she “didn’t get it”. Simon said it was “horrendous”, “like Dolly Parton on helium”. He said it was “very brave but probably foolish thing to do”. He agreed with me, the song is not conducive to country style.

Simon and Ryan got into another pissing contest about …. oh, who cares what it was about. If it was scripted, they need to fire the writer. If it wasn’t, they need to just beat the crap out of each other and get it done.

David Archuletta: This kid really is a kid, he’s only 17. He’s a junior in high school. His mom is from Honduras. His dad is from the US. He doesn’t like ’60s music. He’s doing “We Can Work It Out” because he’s familiar with Stevie Wonder’s version. He’s stressed out about it. He started out by walking down the stairs, which is something I’d expect form a girl. This kid sounds gay for some reason with this song. Maybe he is, not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s boring, and it sounds like he’s struggling with the words, or maybe it’s just a horrendous arrangement. He’s making it far more complicated than it needs to be, or should be. I’m not impressed. Randy said he’s a fan, but it was not on point, it’s “not your vibe”, “felt very forced”, it didn’t work for him. Paula said it didn’t work for him, and apparently he really did forget the lyrics, it wasn’t just my imagination. Simon said “that was a mess”, it was “all over the place” and his “weakest performance so far”.

That’s it, folks.  I’m ready to go watch “The Office” now.  It’s on Tuesdays on TBS, in case you didn’t know.